Batten down the hatches, and raise the skirts, Cap'n! You thought you were in for the adventure of a lifetime. You found that map, and you and the Doctor set out for adventure! And then he got sick, you got left behind, and now you've been stuck on this fucking boat for months. But as if that weren't bad enough, you lucked out- your Captain is the biggest bitch this side of the edge of the universe.

But after Captain Amelia ticks you off one too many times, you happen upon the perfect chance to exact some revenge: the best KIND of revenge. The show-me-your-tits kind. The more dirt you have, the more you can convince Captain Amelia to do... and the more she does, the more dirt you have. It's a beautiful cycle.